Life Changes

I barely remember the day, but I remember the pain. I stepped across the finish line at Disney and wept, I thought at the time, because I had survived the freezing 26.2 miles that day, but I was to find out later that I wept because upon completion of that goal I was lost. I had suffered and enjoyed the difficulties of training, injuries, and of course the loneliness of the long distance runner only to find myself empty...void of life after that finish. I began living in the frailty of this emptiness, and it began to possess me. I stopped running, I stopped being me.

So now here I am deep into training for the Goofy challenge at Disney(a 1/2 marathon on Saturday and a full on Sunday). My 16 mile long run is coming Sunday and my 14 last week was the fastest I have ever run that distance by 2 minutes a mile. I feel stronger, faster, healthier, more willing to accept the pain of growth then ever before. Now I wonder, if when I cross the finish line in January, will I be found or will I weep again. Will I weep this time because nothing of my life that I had known then is the same now or will I shed tears of joy because crossing that line will be my rebirth? I just don't know what to anticipate so I just keep running.

Yes, life changes but when I am running, I am a runner and in that moment I know who I am. Gratefully, I find peace in that now familiar sound of my shoes on the ground.