So I was on my way to Disney Marathon minding my own business when...

After an 18 mile training run that I was inadequately prepared for and inadvertently failed to cool down properly after I lost the non-painful use of my left knee for running... and that pain was soon to be knee to hip. Go figure my first 18 mile run...I finished it and felt great for the effort and now...nothing...no running. What a bummer. Can you relate?

The "if I run more than 2 miles pain" progressed to "if I sit still for more that 5 minutes pain" to "running, walking, sitting, or even trying to sleep on my left side at night pain".

So?? Was I:
Unprepared?
Just not built for running?
Pushing to hard?
Improper after care procedures?
Too old?
Doesn't matter because by this time I was a runner and I loved being a runner and I loved running. I have to run! I can't give this up! Are you with me?

I am writing about this today...but it happened Oct. 24. I was on schedule to have run 28 miles 4 weeks before Disney and then a proper wind down to the day and then...tragedy. My mind is still not right. Can you feel my pain?

I started running April 6th 2009. I remember the day well because not only was it the day I started running but it was also the day I realized that running was NOT for me. I couldn't do it!! I hated it, my calves hated it, my lungs hated it and even my mind hated it! But because I am who I am(and I was competing with some women in my office!) I kept doing the run 1 minute walk 1 minute program for that week and then the next week did the run 2 minutes walk 1 minute and so on until that warm October morning I walked out of my brothers house in Nokomis, FL and we set off on the journey. We had trekked the 12 mile run and the 15 mile run together and we would tackle this one together too. I had a great day! He had a not so great day. I walked away from the experience limping. He ran 27 miles two weeks later. Hmmm...so much for bragging that I beat him, but that's another story.

Now 9 weeks later. I recently ran 6 miles before my knee started to hurt and my dead ego allowed me to stop running at that moment. I was running 9:30 miles with an 8:52 in the middle for fun. It wasn't bad, I felt weak at the beginning and got stronger as I ran but when that old familiar pain started I was frustrated and hurt because now...I just want to run without the fear that my knee will start hurting. I remember those days...they were great an I took them for granted. I won't ever do that again.

I am not sure how I progressed from just wanting to run a little to keep my weight down to competing in 2 5K's to training for a marathon in less than 6 months(well I do know how I got into the Disney full..the 1/2 was already sold out!) but here I am and I want to run long...even in my pain I wonder what running an ultra would be like. Sigh...anyway...I am trying to let my leg heal...but its hard because running has no patience. It is there inside you all day wanting to be freed...to be loosed upon your favorite route, to be brought to bear upon some time or distance like a sword brought to bear upon a fearsome enemy. Running is a beast that rages inside your heart and when you cannot run it is tamed and muzzled and made to be timid...no longer a raging beast but rather a whimper. I miss the beast.